What More Can I Say

This is a bittersweet farewell, the time spent working on this was one of great exploration and growth. For a year C and I poured our thoughts, fears, triumphs,  and we healed, crafted new identities and learned to start living in our truest form of self. Prior to writing this post I looked back to the beginning then looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't see that person of old. I actually have had to recently get used to my new face, this new person, in a new place, with different desires and dreams. In normal situations I can put words to most thoughts and feelings yet today I struggle to find the right ones. How to really close the book on the past and embrace the present and future? saying goodbye has been a struggle in the past because so many have said just that...to me. Now I must say goodbye and thank you to C and everyone whom have supported us throughout this first part of life. It's time to move on, life has changed, we've closed the chapter of unhappiness, over eating, depression, having negative people in our lives and expressing any feeling in food. We now say hello to new chapters, of laughter, sweat, meditation, creativity, sharing and staying in the moment. I am saying goodbye, I'm saying goodbye to former guilt and frustration and I say hello to life.

I wanted to leave you with one of my favorite poems written by Langston Hughes called Mother to Son. I feel as if this poem is perfect for this moment because its about struggle and picking yourself up and moving on.

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Bittersweet Goodbye

When I started working on this blog with Q it was meant to be a way for me to communicate my fears, my questions, my baggage... As I sit and write this very last blog from C for fAat yoGa, I cannot help to think about how far we've come, how far I've come. I no longer want to look back but I do accept that my past is what has formed me today. I take all of the lessons, close this chapter, and am writing a new book. The picture below represents how I feel writing this last blog. Sunsets represent the ending of a day or a feeling or an era. Sunsets also represent the new day ahead...I'm looking forward to the new days ahead. I'm looking forward to sweating and enjoying the fruits of my labor because this is my way of life now. No fads, no monthly cycles of working out and then being lazy, no filling my body with poisonous foods. I feel good. I will never get to a place of fitness or mental wellness that I forget the struggle it took to get me to this very place and beyond. I will never leave this ladder of health and will always reach back to help those who are behind me to move ahead.

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.” -J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan



Yours - C