Today I mourn the spiritual loss of my relationship with my father. As much as I hold onto who I am, I am realizing that it is because of his behavior that shapes me today. I know that I am a better parent, friend, confidant, worker, sister, and daughter. Watching him over time has taught me that you can't go through life being selfish and alone. For me, this is the last piece of the past that I needed to face.
RIP, in spirit, Dad...
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Q: Back home Again...Part 1
For months I prepared for the journey home mentally and physically. Excitement kept me going while anxiety held me back. I found myself stuck in this cycle of both wanting to go and finding any reason to stay. It's been about 6 months since the last time I set foot in NY and a number of things have changed. The most obvious is that I am almost 100lbs lighter and the not so obvious is that mentally I am at peace. Life is different now and the person that they once new and have grown to love is no longer there. For so long my happiness was sustained by the interactions I had with others and now my happiness is from the self I've grown to know. Although, I knew that the friends that I have made would welcome me with open arms, my insecurities always made me question if they would notice. Not only was I feeling the anxiety of being reintroduced to NY and the life I once lived but I also had to deal with my greatest challenge...would I be able to fit comfortably in the airplane seat and fasten my seat belt without the extender.
Finally the day came, dropped my dogs off and started driving to Orlando International airport with my mind full of what if's. What if i cant fasten the seat belt, what if they don't notice, what if the flight attendant points out that I'm fat, what if I really have not changed...While all of this was going through my mind the day moved forward, entered the full body scan, carried my bag to my gate sat down, took a deep breath and just let it all go. When I opened my eyes at that very moment I felt calm and assured that even if they did not notice I knew I changed. I knew that life was not about a drink, a snack, nachos, or fried food. The calm I felt was based more on the love I now had for self and the appreciation I had for the world.
It was time to board the plane, I stopped took a deep breath and proceeded to make my way towards the first obstacle from my past. There I stood looking down at the seat I would take, it was in the isle, more room to stretch my legs. Because the flight was early I was able to sit by myself in front of two people that would later shape the scope of the day. It was time, I reached for the seat belt did not hold my breath to suck in my stomach and I securely fastened the belt and had to pull it tighter.
At that moment for the first time I breathed and really smiled and as I did so I was able to meet such a wonderful person. People travel, from going to work to the market and finally on vacation. Although we are a species surrounded by others we tend to only focus on self and never look up and meet the person sitting next to you. I used to be one of those people only focusing on myself and how miserable I was. Living day to day to eat and drink, waking up in the morning going to a dead end job, living in a place that seemed grey at all times of the year, life was grim. But the person I am now has allowed me to look at the world and the people around me with a different understanding. So when I met this fellow traveler I felt connected just at that moment. As we talked about accomplishment, weight loss, having younger people in our lives I realized that ultimately as travelers we share similar experiences.
During the flight not only was I able to fasten my seat belt, but I was able to pull the tray down and nicely rest my cup of water on it. Most people do not have to worry about this but for those that do you will understand how important this act was. The second flight was the same I could fasten the seat belt and pull down the tray. But unlike my first flight I did not make any connections instead I thought about the conversation I had and how important it is to help people through there own journey. Because of that flight I understand that losing weight is not just an adult conversations; it is a conversation that should be held at all levels and not with the words diet but with the words healthy living. I want to thank Colleen, because of that conversation I now know how important it is to talk to the younger generations about keeping themselves healthy.
By the way, I landed got up without anxiety and walked out of the airport into the brisk fall air of upstate NY. I loaded myself into the car and looked at my best friend I knew at that moment that things were different.
Finally the day came, dropped my dogs off and started driving to Orlando International airport with my mind full of what if's. What if i cant fasten the seat belt, what if they don't notice, what if the flight attendant points out that I'm fat, what if I really have not changed...While all of this was going through my mind the day moved forward, entered the full body scan, carried my bag to my gate sat down, took a deep breath and just let it all go. When I opened my eyes at that very moment I felt calm and assured that even if they did not notice I knew I changed. I knew that life was not about a drink, a snack, nachos, or fried food. The calm I felt was based more on the love I now had for self and the appreciation I had for the world.
It was time to board the plane, I stopped took a deep breath and proceeded to make my way towards the first obstacle from my past. There I stood looking down at the seat I would take, it was in the isle, more room to stretch my legs. Because the flight was early I was able to sit by myself in front of two people that would later shape the scope of the day. It was time, I reached for the seat belt did not hold my breath to suck in my stomach and I securely fastened the belt and had to pull it tighter.
At that moment for the first time I breathed and really smiled and as I did so I was able to meet such a wonderful person. People travel, from going to work to the market and finally on vacation. Although we are a species surrounded by others we tend to only focus on self and never look up and meet the person sitting next to you. I used to be one of those people only focusing on myself and how miserable I was. Living day to day to eat and drink, waking up in the morning going to a dead end job, living in a place that seemed grey at all times of the year, life was grim. But the person I am now has allowed me to look at the world and the people around me with a different understanding. So when I met this fellow traveler I felt connected just at that moment. As we talked about accomplishment, weight loss, having younger people in our lives I realized that ultimately as travelers we share similar experiences.
During the flight not only was I able to fasten my seat belt, but I was able to pull the tray down and nicely rest my cup of water on it. Most people do not have to worry about this but for those that do you will understand how important this act was. The second flight was the same I could fasten the seat belt and pull down the tray. But unlike my first flight I did not make any connections instead I thought about the conversation I had and how important it is to help people through there own journey. Because of that flight I understand that losing weight is not just an adult conversations; it is a conversation that should be held at all levels and not with the words diet but with the words healthy living. I want to thank Colleen, because of that conversation I now know how important it is to talk to the younger generations about keeping themselves healthy.
By the way, I landed got up without anxiety and walked out of the airport into the brisk fall air of upstate NY. I loaded myself into the car and looked at my best friend I knew at that moment that things were different.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
C: Disney, Not For The Faint of 'Foot'
So this weekend the Queen Mum and Bug partook in a Disney adventure for Bug's early bday. Between Downtown Disney on Friday night and Disney Studios on Saturday, my pedometer logged 16 miles!! That is a whole lot of freakin' walking!! I love taking a break from the routine and exercising while doing something fun like walking in a fun park. I am not a gym person, never have been, never will be. I just feel closed in and confined. I also need variety as I've learned from my ENFJ personality sheet. My next goals are to discover ways to burn calories while discovering new activities outside. Here's to paddle boarding!!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Q:Still Here
A number of people have asked me where have I been on the blog, if C and I are doing well as friends. The answer is yes!! It has been a very busy 2 months and I will go further into that in the next blog posts. I am stopping by right now to let everyone know I'm still here and I'm back embracing the blogging world. Thank you all for the concern and stay tuned because I have a lot to announce..Remember everyday is a blessing...Namaste
Thursday, September 1, 2011
C: For Women Only
The men should read as well. So we all know that our bodies go through drastic changes every month. Each month we complain, we wonder, and we feel fat. But then we feel great, we feel thin, we feel strong....hold up!! How can this happen in one month and then happen over and over and over again?! Let's not call it the 'time of month', let's not call it 'flow', let's not even call it 'I'm just bitchy'! Stop making excuses for your menstrual cycle for the benefit of everyone else (ie. MEN). Let's breakdown the actual process so that you can be better prepared for workouts, for relationships, and for life!
Before we take notes...let's quickly talk about Periods. When I was 13, my dad told me that having a period is what makes women the most special thing on the planet because it signals the fact that women can give life. He explained my cycle from a scientific level. There was no giggling, no embarrassment, just a matter of fact conversation about my body. I have done the same with my daughter. Since then, I have been very aware and have always kept a weekly schedule but as I have met more and more female friends, I realized that not everyone this 'talk'. Self magazine breaks it down like my dad did, so many years ago.
According to the September 2011 issue of Self magazine under the article, "Feel Well Every Week', if you have more information about what is going on biologically, you can make better decisions for your body logically. Make sense? Okay...get your calendar out and let's begin.
Week 1-YOU HAVE YOUR PERIOD. This means that Estrogen and progesterone levels are low. Low levels of estrogen can cause depression, irritability, and even OCD. Estrogen's partner in crime, Progesterone can do wonders when trying to get preggers...they work together to help 'signal in the sperm'...I often think of little guys with glow sticks motioning a huge airplane. Anyway, I digress. If progesterone levels are low, it can cause sodium retention, cramping, diarreha. So what do you need to do during this time? My advice, take it easy!! Perhaps you switch up your workout to include more stretching. Low estrogen can also cause your temperature to rise so try just sleeping with a sheet instead of a comforter. Also, turn off the laptop and silence the cell a few hours before going to bed...this week you need your rest!
Week 2-You'll be feeling great because your body is preparing to ovulate. You've made it through the cramps and sleepless nights so this week, tackle projects and keep your house in order. Estrogen and Testosterone levels are pretty high so put on that mascara and show off that toned bod!! Use the extra energy to really push through your workouts. If you normally do a set of 30, try sets of 35..your body will thank you on that days that you don't feel all that energized.
Week 3-So this week the egg is released and is on its way down the fallopian tube towards the uterus. Some women say that it is during THIS time when they feel the most irritable...why? Well...we are animals. Women are biologically designed to produce so when your body releases that unfertilized egg, it is pissed and makes you suffer for it. You may even feel a little down. To help with symptoms, up your calcium levels. Yes, there is milk (but milk is for baby cows). Why not use some alternatives like collard greens, soymilk, black-eyed peas, tofu, oj, molasses, baked beans, kale, cabbage, oranges, almonds, broccoli. So load up on a stir fry and add lots of broccoli...:)
Week 4-So now that your body is pissed from not getting fertilized your estrogen and progesterone levels will drop (see week 1). While more stable in week 1 (actually during your period), the week before can be hell. Find some quiet space to just be. If you feel irritated, take a walk, take a breath...pre-menstrual symptoms are no joke and can lead to confusion, mis-interpretation, and irrational thinking. Don't respond to emails or text messages right away. Do not react to perceived 'tones' or 'attitudes' and try not to be too impulsive. Keeping a record of this week will really help. Bump up your banana and broccoli intake to help with the increased amount of salt your body is holding onto. Drink plenty of water and tea to help ease anxiety. These are real feelings you feel but your mind may be blowing them out of proportion so this may be a good time to get to that nature walk path you've been meaning to do, this time, go alone.
I hope this helps. Tuning into your body is so important. Instead of beating yourself up for not working out, go with the flow. Listen to what your body needs and just go with it without the guilt.
Namaste
Before we take notes...let's quickly talk about Periods. When I was 13, my dad told me that having a period is what makes women the most special thing on the planet because it signals the fact that women can give life. He explained my cycle from a scientific level. There was no giggling, no embarrassment, just a matter of fact conversation about my body. I have done the same with my daughter. Since then, I have been very aware and have always kept a weekly schedule but as I have met more and more female friends, I realized that not everyone this 'talk'. Self magazine breaks it down like my dad did, so many years ago.
According to the September 2011 issue of Self magazine under the article, "Feel Well Every Week', if you have more information about what is going on biologically, you can make better decisions for your body logically. Make sense? Okay...get your calendar out and let's begin.
Week 1-YOU HAVE YOUR PERIOD. This means that Estrogen and progesterone levels are low. Low levels of estrogen can cause depression, irritability, and even OCD. Estrogen's partner in crime, Progesterone can do wonders when trying to get preggers...they work together to help 'signal in the sperm'...I often think of little guys with glow sticks motioning a huge airplane. Anyway, I digress. If progesterone levels are low, it can cause sodium retention, cramping, diarreha. So what do you need to do during this time? My advice, take it easy!! Perhaps you switch up your workout to include more stretching. Low estrogen can also cause your temperature to rise so try just sleeping with a sheet instead of a comforter. Also, turn off the laptop and silence the cell a few hours before going to bed...this week you need your rest!
Week 2-You'll be feeling great because your body is preparing to ovulate. You've made it through the cramps and sleepless nights so this week, tackle projects and keep your house in order. Estrogen and Testosterone levels are pretty high so put on that mascara and show off that toned bod!! Use the extra energy to really push through your workouts. If you normally do a set of 30, try sets of 35..your body will thank you on that days that you don't feel all that energized.
Week 3-So this week the egg is released and is on its way down the fallopian tube towards the uterus. Some women say that it is during THIS time when they feel the most irritable...why? Well...we are animals. Women are biologically designed to produce so when your body releases that unfertilized egg, it is pissed and makes you suffer for it. You may even feel a little down. To help with symptoms, up your calcium levels. Yes, there is milk (but milk is for baby cows). Why not use some alternatives like collard greens, soymilk, black-eyed peas, tofu, oj, molasses, baked beans, kale, cabbage, oranges, almonds, broccoli. So load up on a stir fry and add lots of broccoli...:)
Week 4-So now that your body is pissed from not getting fertilized your estrogen and progesterone levels will drop (see week 1). While more stable in week 1 (actually during your period), the week before can be hell. Find some quiet space to just be. If you feel irritated, take a walk, take a breath...pre-menstrual symptoms are no joke and can lead to confusion, mis-interpretation, and irrational thinking. Don't respond to emails or text messages right away. Do not react to perceived 'tones' or 'attitudes' and try not to be too impulsive. Keeping a record of this week will really help. Bump up your banana and broccoli intake to help with the increased amount of salt your body is holding onto. Drink plenty of water and tea to help ease anxiety. These are real feelings you feel but your mind may be blowing them out of proportion so this may be a good time to get to that nature walk path you've been meaning to do, this time, go alone.
I hope this helps. Tuning into your body is so important. Instead of beating yourself up for not working out, go with the flow. Listen to what your body needs and just go with it without the guilt.
Namaste
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