There are times when I feel weak, defeated, virtually deflated. In those times, I open my journal and pull from phrases I have learned over time to help me get through the valleys of life. Here are some of those phrases:
-Lift your head and smile into the sun
-Embrace inner beauty
-Namaste
-Be Present
-Smile more
-Forgiveness is for YOU
-Someone somewhere else is having a worse time
-Think positively
-Do not speak negative thoughts into the universe for they WILL happen
-You CAN do 30 mins of ANYTHING
-Follow your gut
-Listen to God whispers
-Smile authentically
and my favorite, go to phrase of all time
-What do you have to lose?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Q: A letter
I thought it would be appropriate to write this letter to you at this stage in your life. Wow, its been a long time since we last spoke and from what I understand life has been full of it’s up’s and down’s. I heard you moved; finally you decided to take the leap of faith and leave one of the most depressing places around. I still am in shock that you jumped off that cliff and landed on your two feet it should feel great at this moment. Thank you for also taking control of your health we’ve been sick for so long. You have done quite well with yourself; the people you have in your life are intelligent, resourceful, complementary, but most of all they are supportive. Looking back I don’t think you would have been able to get this far without the strong unit you put together.
I always felt it necessary to start off pointing out some of the good things, you know those things that are easiest to discuss. The one thing I have learned going through the weight loss process with you is that once you start shedding the weight, layers peal away and expose what you have hid for so long. Remember reading Sister Outsider for the first time? Remember that feeling of safety, of being able to breathe for the first time. It is hard when you are an outsider as we have been for so long within our family, society and school you essentially grow a thick skin. We never fit the mold of course we tried, from attempting to play with Barbies as a child when you wanted to reach for the GI Joes. Trying to hang with the girls when you wanted to do everything with the boys; remember the perm and a weekly wash and set when hair didn’t matter as long as you could put it in a pony tail and play basketball. Then lets not forget having a boyfriend when you secretly wanted your female best friend, going off to college when everything pointed for you to stay. The list goes on but through it all we survived, a little bruised but we have been able to carve a little piece of this world just for ourselves.
Most people don’t even know that we cut our hair right after reading that book. It was a great moment because for once we embraced being the outsider, we also removed that final piece of the past that was really never our own. At first it was an adjustment but later it got easier and our voice became stronger, we became stronger but we never healed. What felt like a lifetime was spent finding where you fit in, the place we called home was foreign and the family you worked so hard to keep together were dismantled. No one knew the anger, hurt, sadness, fear we carried with us. We never let anyone get close but secretly you know we really wanted someone to save us. But admitting that would be suicide right…right…well I’m not sure anymore. I know we go back in forth on that one because there were people who we attempted to let in and it didn’t work out so well. Then again there are others that we allowed in and it’s worked out better than we would have even guessed. Who would have guessed that the people you trust the most are those that were the most unlikely to be called a friend.
For the time being that’s not important because I have decided to finally write to you because I’m concerned. My concern comes from this road that we are on of which we have never seen before. I realize that weight loss is a process but would have never thought that it would be a mental process of both up’s and downs. As each layer is melted away so are the walls we put up to protect ourselves from the outside world. But what does that mean you once asked? Well it means that it’s time to really look at all the people you have been in relationships with and why you chose them. Let us really sit down and review all those moments where you kept drinking past the point of being drunk. Or those times when you continued to eat well after being full. What was it about those relationships that you tried to hold onto to make them work? What were you thinking when drinking to the white boy wasted status? Why keep eating?
I know you would rather I not point out that you haven't had a successful relationship in which both parties agreed it was not going to work since Japan. I also know that you would rather that I don’t bring up that in all the relationships you tried harder than the person you were with. This last one came at a time in which you needed support someone more than a friend to help you jump off that cliff. She gave us that and we let her in and yes she did crush you and yes she fed you what was a dream. But for the first time you had that dream and you now know that you would be ok with having a family of your own. Now don’t go and get crazy because the thought of a child still sends shivers down the spine. But waking up next to someone other than your dogs is pretty nice. We now know that, we want another person to drive 16hrs to see us, or call to make sure we are ok after we haven't spoke for 2 days, we want someone to hold the back of our neck when our mind is unclear.
I can tell what you are thinking and yes it will happen although there may be a battle between heart and head but it will. You have already met the perfect person, you have seen pieces of them in all the people you have dated just right now it’s not our time. What we have to do right now is understand, appreciate what you have learned and accept what you cannot change. I love the person we are becoming I compare this to the life of a moth. You are an insect until you find the one place of solitude where you learn, live and be with yourself. This can take a long time but then you get it and you blossom you grow wings and you’re never the same again. That is our transformation we have to get through the hard parts, the dirt, the grime and sweat. Our weight has been the cocoon for so long and we were scared to step out. Until now we didn’t understand how different we were yet the same as we all are.
Luckily we are not on this road alone we have friends that have decided to go with us but know some may not be able to keep up. As we continue to grow mentally and physically we open ourselves up to limitless possibilities. By this point I know you wonder why in the world did I write this. I wrote this because I realized that life changes it goes on, you will experience failure and achievement. You will also gain and lose people along the way including oneself. My weight was my suit and armor and taking it off means I have to deal with the person I haven't seen since I was 13. This is my healing my way of putting out into the world that I get it. We are all like onions, so many layers, so many sections and if you continue to pull at it you will find the heart of it all. This is my piece to the world my way of calling a cease fire between my head and my heart.
I always felt it necessary to start off pointing out some of the good things, you know those things that are easiest to discuss. The one thing I have learned going through the weight loss process with you is that once you start shedding the weight, layers peal away and expose what you have hid for so long. Remember reading Sister Outsider for the first time? Remember that feeling of safety, of being able to breathe for the first time. It is hard when you are an outsider as we have been for so long within our family, society and school you essentially grow a thick skin. We never fit the mold of course we tried, from attempting to play with Barbies as a child when you wanted to reach for the GI Joes. Trying to hang with the girls when you wanted to do everything with the boys; remember the perm and a weekly wash and set when hair didn’t matter as long as you could put it in a pony tail and play basketball. Then lets not forget having a boyfriend when you secretly wanted your female best friend, going off to college when everything pointed for you to stay. The list goes on but through it all we survived, a little bruised but we have been able to carve a little piece of this world just for ourselves.
Most people don’t even know that we cut our hair right after reading that book. It was a great moment because for once we embraced being the outsider, we also removed that final piece of the past that was really never our own. At first it was an adjustment but later it got easier and our voice became stronger, we became stronger but we never healed. What felt like a lifetime was spent finding where you fit in, the place we called home was foreign and the family you worked so hard to keep together were dismantled. No one knew the anger, hurt, sadness, fear we carried with us. We never let anyone get close but secretly you know we really wanted someone to save us. But admitting that would be suicide right…right…well I’m not sure anymore. I know we go back in forth on that one because there were people who we attempted to let in and it didn’t work out so well. Then again there are others that we allowed in and it’s worked out better than we would have even guessed. Who would have guessed that the people you trust the most are those that were the most unlikely to be called a friend.
For the time being that’s not important because I have decided to finally write to you because I’m concerned. My concern comes from this road that we are on of which we have never seen before. I realize that weight loss is a process but would have never thought that it would be a mental process of both up’s and downs. As each layer is melted away so are the walls we put up to protect ourselves from the outside world. But what does that mean you once asked? Well it means that it’s time to really look at all the people you have been in relationships with and why you chose them. Let us really sit down and review all those moments where you kept drinking past the point of being drunk. Or those times when you continued to eat well after being full. What was it about those relationships that you tried to hold onto to make them work? What were you thinking when drinking to the white boy wasted status? Why keep eating?
I know you would rather I not point out that you haven't had a successful relationship in which both parties agreed it was not going to work since Japan. I also know that you would rather that I don’t bring up that in all the relationships you tried harder than the person you were with. This last one came at a time in which you needed support someone more than a friend to help you jump off that cliff. She gave us that and we let her in and yes she did crush you and yes she fed you what was a dream. But for the first time you had that dream and you now know that you would be ok with having a family of your own. Now don’t go and get crazy because the thought of a child still sends shivers down the spine. But waking up next to someone other than your dogs is pretty nice. We now know that, we want another person to drive 16hrs to see us, or call to make sure we are ok after we haven't spoke for 2 days, we want someone to hold the back of our neck when our mind is unclear.
I can tell what you are thinking and yes it will happen although there may be a battle between heart and head but it will. You have already met the perfect person, you have seen pieces of them in all the people you have dated just right now it’s not our time. What we have to do right now is understand, appreciate what you have learned and accept what you cannot change. I love the person we are becoming I compare this to the life of a moth. You are an insect until you find the one place of solitude where you learn, live and be with yourself. This can take a long time but then you get it and you blossom you grow wings and you’re never the same again. That is our transformation we have to get through the hard parts, the dirt, the grime and sweat. Our weight has been the cocoon for so long and we were scared to step out. Until now we didn’t understand how different we were yet the same as we all are.
Luckily we are not on this road alone we have friends that have decided to go with us but know some may not be able to keep up. As we continue to grow mentally and physically we open ourselves up to limitless possibilities. By this point I know you wonder why in the world did I write this. I wrote this because I realized that life changes it goes on, you will experience failure and achievement. You will also gain and lose people along the way including oneself. My weight was my suit and armor and taking it off means I have to deal with the person I haven't seen since I was 13. This is my healing my way of putting out into the world that I get it. We are all like onions, so many layers, so many sections and if you continue to pull at it you will find the heart of it all. This is my piece to the world my way of calling a cease fire between my head and my heart.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
C: Great Full Body Workout
My trainer took me through an absolutely awesome workout the other day and I thought I'd share it with the masses!! This is a full body workout which gets you in and out of the gym!
Warm-up:
5 min fat burn on treadmill. Incline 6.5, Walking 3.0
Resistance:
BOTH Stations...3 sets of 30 reps (30 second break in between):
Station 1
1. Using barbell with 5lb weights, squat down like you are putting weight on the floor, stand bringing weights up to chest then punching weight up to shoulder press
2. Dead lifts
3. Barbell resting on back of neck/shoulders. Squat down and burst up to tip toes
4. Bicep curl with barbell
Station 2:
1. Using pulley machine, put the weight on about 25 and stand so that the weight is 'tight' and you are holding with both hands in front of you. Squat down and as you stand up, pull the pulley/weights up over your head like you are tossing dirt over your head
2. Standing with left hand holding pulley and right hand resting on left hand, pull the pulley from left to center (in front of you). You should feel this in your abs, hips should not move
3. Repeat above this time using right hand as dominant
4. Repeat #2, this time, up the weights and pull the pulley to center, holding for a 30 second count...this should burn in your abs and shoulders
5. Repeat #2, this time, right hand is dominant
Take a minute break...GET SOME WATER and stretch those shoulders
Now...hop on the treadmill and do a fat burn like in the warm up but this time for 15 mins. Last take the treadmill down to 1.5 and walk at a pace of about 2.7 to let the heart come down...you should be sweating!
Warm-up:
5 min fat burn on treadmill. Incline 6.5, Walking 3.0
Resistance:
BOTH Stations...3 sets of 30 reps (30 second break in between):
Station 1
1. Using barbell with 5lb weights, squat down like you are putting weight on the floor, stand bringing weights up to chest then punching weight up to shoulder press
2. Dead lifts
3. Barbell resting on back of neck/shoulders. Squat down and burst up to tip toes
4. Bicep curl with barbell
Station 2:
1. Using pulley machine, put the weight on about 25 and stand so that the weight is 'tight' and you are holding with both hands in front of you. Squat down and as you stand up, pull the pulley/weights up over your head like you are tossing dirt over your head
2. Standing with left hand holding pulley and right hand resting on left hand, pull the pulley from left to center (in front of you). You should feel this in your abs, hips should not move
3. Repeat above this time using right hand as dominant
4. Repeat #2, this time, up the weights and pull the pulley to center, holding for a 30 second count...this should burn in your abs and shoulders
5. Repeat #2, this time, right hand is dominant
Take a minute break...GET SOME WATER and stretch those shoulders
Now...hop on the treadmill and do a fat burn like in the warm up but this time for 15 mins. Last take the treadmill down to 1.5 and walk at a pace of about 2.7 to let the heart come down...you should be sweating!
Friday, July 8, 2011
C: My Version of Ramen
In trying to come up with creative carb/veg/protein combos on the cheap, I turn to Ramen! Yes, I could go and get the cheap package from the store but the salt is out of this world and the noodles are not always made from rice. So I took a trip to my local farmer's market and picked up some in season veggies, some asian chicken seasoning, and a HUGE package of rice noodles for cheap cheap cheap!! Here is what I did. I heated a pan (med/high heat) and added about a tbsp of olive oil. While that was heating, I thinly sliced some left over flank steak from the day before. I placed the steak in the pan and let it cook, flipping it about 1/2 the way through...about 3-4 mins on each side. BTW, I added about 1/2 cup of water to the pan and put the lid on the pan to sear in the steam...makes for juicy steak. While the steak was cooking, I rinsed off some bok choy, got out my pre-cut scallions and carrots, and dissolved about 1 tbsp of the chicken seasoning in 2 cups of hot water. I removed the steak and set it aside in a bowl. I then added the broth, scallions, carrots, bok choy, and the steak. I left the center open for my noodles. The rice noodle package comes in an 8.5x11 sheet about 2 inches thick so I just grabbed a hunk and ripped it from the other noodles. I placed the noodles in the middle of the pan to absorb the liquid, giving the noodles a quick 'chuszzz' so that the liquid was above the noodle. I then turned the heat down (med/low heat), put the cover on the pan and let the ingredients get to know each other for about 8-10mins. I then turned the heat off, did a quick toss and served. This made 2 servings and was oh...so....good!!! Try adding in season veggies!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
C: Balance
This picture always inspires me and, while it is not from my beach, it reminds me that I am so small in the big scheme of things. Small in the sense that I do not feel like I have to have the weight of the world on my shoulders and that, sometimes, my 'problems' are not as 'heavy' as I think they are. Take time to appreciate where you have come from and where you are going. Meditate on that bicep growing under your skin, think about how strong you feel, laugh even when you don't feel like laughing. Namaste
Monday, July 4, 2011
Q: The End
The past few weeks has been one of the most eye opening experiences thus far. One thing about change is that when you change one thing everything else has to change. When you commit to happiness and a healthy lifestyle the world you once knew begins to crumble. Those great friends you once had that you spent every Friday or Saturday with drinking, eating laughing...gone...The significant other who promised the support you need to get through this moment...gone...In the beginning there was a lot of support,there were a lot of calls and emailed support but now...gone...In the past I would have ignored this just kept moving replaced those that were lost with those that filled the void. This time the one thing I realized and when you commit to getting healthy, you commit to the lifestyle. When the person I was seeing decided to end the relationship for a minute I was crushed. That was the first step in knowing that I have changed because for once the hurt was real instead of anger. The funny thing about it was I got the ole George Costanza its not me its you bit.
My first reaction was shock as they continued by saying they have been seeing someone that was it. I didn't lose my cool I kindly said I hope it was worth it and that was it. At that moment I really lost all the negativity that I was holding onto. I was becoming healthy and in my quest to get in the best shape of my life everything that was unhealthy or negative eliminated themselves. Here I am lighter, more aware, I now understand that life is all about balance. Everything in life should balance themselves from friends, to family and to the special someone.
If there are stones in your life that do not support who you are, who you were and who you will be then its time to skip them across that pond.
Life is a series of roads, hills, mountains, deserts, forests and valleys. Its an adventure, a day at the beach, a triathlon, the first mile run, a first date, that first kiss a never ending story. We are all lucky in that the road we take can be chosen. Throughout my journey I have learned that we at times put too much focus on the road and forget to choose the right people to go with. Life hit me yet my focus remains the same actually it became stronger. Challenge, Balance, Live, Love, Laugh,Explore, Discover, and Support the words I say daily.
My first reaction was shock as they continued by saying they have been seeing someone that was it. I didn't lose my cool I kindly said I hope it was worth it and that was it. At that moment I really lost all the negativity that I was holding onto. I was becoming healthy and in my quest to get in the best shape of my life everything that was unhealthy or negative eliminated themselves. Here I am lighter, more aware, I now understand that life is all about balance. Everything in life should balance themselves from friends, to family and to the special someone.
If there are stones in your life that do not support who you are, who you were and who you will be then its time to skip them across that pond.
Life is a series of roads, hills, mountains, deserts, forests and valleys. Its an adventure, a day at the beach, a triathlon, the first mile run, a first date, that first kiss a never ending story. We are all lucky in that the road we take can be chosen. Throughout my journey I have learned that we at times put too much focus on the road and forget to choose the right people to go with. Life hit me yet my focus remains the same actually it became stronger. Challenge, Balance, Live, Love, Laugh,Explore, Discover, and Support the words I say daily.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)