C: Anxiety

Over the past couple of weeks I have felt an overwhelming anxiety that is so crippling, I can't even leave the house. This weekend 'IT' finally came to a head and I figured out why I was feeling this way. Let me go back in space a bit to help you understand. Q and I started this blog as a way to encourage each other and share information that we have found. We received so many individual messages describing how our notes helped people that we knew we were onto something big. We are still onto something big because we get it. We get that this is a journey and a huge change and within that journey, you are forced to deal with issues you don't or haven't wanted to deal with. fAat yoGa has really taken on a life of itself with meeting people, spreading the word about our journey, and even profitable. For me though, what has happened is that something so precious and infantile in my life, has become so overwhelming. I now have deadlines and am responsible to people. The problem...I'm still in the middle of my journey...it is almost like a conflict of interest. I workout and stay healthy because I want to, but the minute someone says I have to get something done, I shy away from that piece of it. I want this in my own time and my own space. It has actually caused me to stop seeing my personal trainer as well...it became all too much, too fast.

You see, what I realized is that if everything I do relates to a business of FY, then where does that leave my personal life? Where does that leave me time to work on or grow the things I love? I am looking at a pile of loose beads right at this very moment. What started out as a very clean and fun idea to help people focus on their yoga practice, has become a deadline and a project that 'hopefully people will buy'. When I get an idea in my head, I am all for it. Then it passes, I put the stuff away and move onto another project. I may or may not come back to it but knowing that folks are depending on me for the 'hobby' makes me not want to do that hobby, does this make sense?

As with anything in life. Achieving life goals has to be on your own terms and your own timeline. Pushing to do an event or be at a certain weight by a certain time just does not motivate people, why? Because everyone needs their own time to process and go through their own journey.

I am so incredibly proud of what we have accomplished as individuals and as a team. I know that this is not the end of FY because this blog has gotten me to where I am now, however, this is the space in which I will remain. I will continue to blog about my experience and share what I am learning along the way, but that is where it will end and Cara, the person who is exploring this vast world, will begin. I need to separate the 2 in order to stay on this path of fitness. Here's to finding my fit!