Q: Back Home Again Part 2

So there we were driving up North to what would turn out to be the best weekend I've had in a long time. Relaxation was in the air, the banter with my best friend kept us all laughing, and although tired we felt a little bit of relief that I was back home. We drove and for a split moment there was silence, I got lost peering at the trees. The leaves were changing, the air was crisp, it was fall, and in the background my other friend talk about apple picking but I couldn't really hear. It came to me that for years I never noticed how beautiful the beginning of fall is around there. For so long I was consumed with the dread and grey of winter that I didn't notice the bright colors of fall. I hadn't been gone that long; the last time I was in NY it was not the best experience. It was March dead of winter, the streets were icy and my relationship was rocky. Turns out that would have been the last time I was in a relationship, the last time I drove 16 hours and the last time I was in NY.

When we finally made it to our destination I became nervous all that kept running through my mind was the orange polo shirt I was going to wear. This was my moment for the first time I was asked to be a part of a wedding. For the rehearsal dinner I bought this almost rustic orange shirt that was a size smaller than I am comfortable wearing. I could not get out of my mind that my love handles would noticeably show which would have ruined my night. When you lose a noticeable amount of weight your mind continues to believe that you need to be in larger clothes. That there was my struggle, everything I bought for the wedding was a few sizes smaller and because of that my mind kept reminding me of what might show.

The hardest thing about losing weight is the mental fight you have with yourself. Although, I have lost a significant amount of weight my mind tells me that I should continue to wear the clothes I once could fit in. At this point my old clothes look terrible and the new clothes fit. I don't know where it became the norm that when you are bigger you need loose clothes. Well that is a thought for another post, but to continue everything fit, I looked pretty daymn good if I might say so. The wedding was amazing it was great to see the change in us all. Some of us essentially grew up together, from that first step into the college dorms, the first time an ID was chalked, behind the wheels of a car, graduation and first apartment. There we all were together with the people who decided to take the journey together. We celebrated, it was a new future, two of our friends get to share it together and I with the new me. That weekend was the door opening to a new tomorrow and closing the chapter of yesterday. I was able to share that moment with my closets friends and developed a brand new one of which I'm excited about. Overall besides the fact I was freezing what a fantastic weekend. No filters, just fun and learning that life is unexpected don't and not put any limitations on it.