Last night I was thinking about 'Day 1 of Eat Clean', thinking about it in a stressful way. I thought about all the ways I would fail, all the other times I HAVE FAILED. The anxiety had me up and awake but I did not eat. Instead I lay there wishing I had a hole in the ceiling so that I could look up at the stars. Knowing that my clock would go off at 5:30a, I must have fell asleep at some point, only to be awoken by our new puppy. When I think back on it now I would not be sitting here pissed if he would have given me the 45 more minutes I need. But alas, he cannot hold it and so we went outside, me, mad.
When I came back inside I thought of all the reasons why I should not start this bullshit today.
-I hate having a puppy.
-I am tired.
-The weekend was not restful.
-I have spent way more than my wallet allows on this damn dog.
-I never got a call about how to actually start the 21 day eat clean challenge.
-Did I even get the right eat clean challenge items?
-I hate being a single mom.
-I wish my stock options would hurry up and kick in to give me a little relief.
-I hate having a puppy.
Then it hit me like a mack truck. The real reason I have not lost weight is because the way I lose weight or the methods for working out, always seem to interfere with my life. When I read articles about people losing weight many of them start with 'After the birth of my first child...' or 'While in college...When switching jobs....' What they need to say is that putting yourself first is a sacrifice that effects everyone. Putting yourself first does take away from the 'flow' of the household. The flow of the home may work for a little while when you add taking care of yourself into the mix, but the second that flow gets out of whack (ie. a puppy wakes you up at 4:45a instead of letting your alarm wake you up at 5:30a) we panic and take ourselves back out of the mix. When the flow is off we don't pay attention to portions, we could care less about getting those burpees in. I see even the connection to why men always seem to have a higher percentage of getting in shape in their mid-30s because the wife is at home with the kids...what about her? What about me? After my child was born was when my weight crept up because my time was no longer my time. I did not like this little human in my home. And as much as people may gasp at that last statement it is the truth and I have to express that in order for me to show my point and be honest with myself. I saw her as an intrusion, as a person who took up my time, as a person who woke me up at 4:45a when my clock was set for 5:30a...see the connection here?!
So...today I say, there is no challenge! There is NO CHALLENGE. A challenge to me means something temporary, something that I only have to do for a little while. A challenge that when-I-am-done-I-will-have-a-big-pizza-because-that-is-how-I-reward-myself. Nope, never, nada! What I am introducing is a complete lifestyle change. The whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and fish/tofu that I picked up yesterday are all a part of who I am now and of how I choose to fuel my body. The aqua class I will attend this morning is how I choose to relieve stress, move my body, and meet people. The weights I choose to lift help my body move and perform at its peak.
This morning was a window into making a connection for me. Everyone has to sacrifice a little more in order for me to have more time to myself in order to make my body healthy and to have it continue being healthy. So who's onboard? Who is going to take a real look at their life, a real look at their issues/past, etc? Let's really take the time to make the connection to why you eat bad...why you 'think' you cannot make that sacrifice. You have to put yourself first in order to have an active lifestyle, period. Take the guilt out of getting to only 2 of your 5 set days to workout and admit that you allowed life to put you on the back burner. Last month alone, I missed an HOA meeting, why? Because it was at the same time as my aqua zumba class...and guess what...when I told many of the people why I wasn't there I could see the 'wow, I wish I did that for myself' look. HOA, open house, a friend in need, football game, etc....there will always be something. Make the commitment to yourself to not miss the time you've set aside for yourself. You spend 8-12 hours a work per day 5 days a week a make appts around that, why not do the same for yourself. Yes you can get an hour in a day (even 2 1/2 hour sessions)...the question is, why haven't you made the sacrifice for yourself? Dig deep and you'll find out why.
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