Yesterday you shared a profound moment and, while it is a personal struggle, we promised to be open and sharing in this forum. As you know, I have been living in my truth since 2006 with finally getting the last 2 lies out of my life in 2011. One of those lies was that I was living in protection and defense of little Cara who was hurt and disappointed for so many years that I accepted and tolerated bad relationships in order to just be loved. The second lie was continuing to be in a relationship that I knew was not good for me. I did not set truthful boundaries, I did not walk away when 1/2 boundaries were crossed. I've set pretty high boundaries and made them very clear to my friends and family. I've walked away from friendships and family when boundaries were crossed but I still tolerated that same behavior and worse when it came to relationships. I accept that I was afraid of being left alone and not protected by my father. While I know he was young and can rationalize his behavior on so many levels, at the end of the day I continued hurting myself and was defensive to people around me when really the anger and disappointment was mine to give to him. I have moments where I feel I need to protect my name or my person but I am learning that the lesson is within the situation. You can't pray for patience and become mother Teresa...you will actually be put into situations that force you to be patient.
What I have learned is that you have to dig deeper than deep. Deeper than most people are willing to go in order to live in your truth. What you will find when you get to your truth is really quite humbling and simple; like really taking a deep breath and letting it go.
When I read your post the other day I realized that you are on your path to knowing your own truth. I wish with all of my soul that I had the answers for you but we both know that THIS time is part ofthe lesson. How do you deal with selfish people when you are so good? I do not know. How do you learn to throw away extra food? I do not know. I do not know how to answer because those are your truths to find. It isn't about the bad relationships, it isn't about the food. It takes going way deeper than that. What do you feel inside? Afraid? Sad? Abandoned? Start in that place. Stay there with that feeling...it has to be acknowledged until you can move forward.
We've talked about how we both built this huge (no pun intended) wall on the outside, literally shielding ourselves in. But what about the inside? I would say the bigger a person is, the deeper they need to go to be in that hurt space. For us it is food that protected us all these years and it shows. I could say the same thing for the amount of alcohol someone drinks, or drugs someone takes or even how big someone's muscles get...they are all just another addiction. Another way to shield the hurt little person inside who is not acknowledged and is not allowed to live in their truth.
We are on a journey together. I promise to hold onto you and not let you fall. I know you know this, but I am saying it out loud. We met in such a happenstance way and I know it was all for a reason. I know I had to get through the weeds of bad friendships and misrepresentations to find you. You had to go through bad relationships and lying, cheating, being unappreciated to find me. I truly have two best friends who are my soulmates and I am so proud to have that type of relationship instead of 500 'likes' who refuse to go deep, who refuse to live in their truth.
Remember, what you felt the other day was God. It was a revelation that you are not alone but you need to be alone to be able to listen and move and go deep.
I took the following pyramid from Steve Pavlina's website on the seven core principles of personal growth. I have my own take on each.
Intelligence-At the core of everything is the intelligence to know that you need to keep going back deep in order to make sure that person inside is okay.
Courage-It takes courage to understand the life-long learning process of healing.
Oneness-It takes stepping away and being alone to be able to hear what your inside is telling you. Relish in those times alone because the noise of everyone else can sometimes be unbearable. Get centered and back into breath, calm, and oneness...keep checking in.
Authority-Once you have a practice of recognizing and acknowledging the core, being brave enough to go deep, and then get quiet and calm in order to listen, only then will you have authority over what happens in your life. You have the authority to rid bad people, bad behavior, bad habits that you know bring bad energy. You will remove those things that caused you to build up the outer wall because your inside now so surface.
That inner cycle will lead you to make POWERful decisions concerning your life, lead with a LOVing heart and spirit, and continually live your TRUTHful self. Once you get in that place, your life will fall into place with balance and peace. Just like your mindset changing when it comes to doritos...they look good, taste good, but they are bad for you is the same way you will look at people and situations. They will just leave a bad 'taste' in your gut.
fAatyoGa-C
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