C: Day 3- Anxiety

I spoke before about not looking at the Eat Clean Challenge as a challenge, I am just making it part of my life. I am staying with logging my exercise and what I eat however, in order to see the correlation between feelings, eating, exercise, and overall well being. Today was one of those days when I felt like going to McDonalds. You see I suffer from severe anxiety. I will sign up for something and the day of the event, I will completely shut down, shut out the light, turn off the phone, and sleep. I've always been like this but as I get older it seems to get worse. The problem is there are things I really WANT to try but the day of my stomach is filled with butterflies, I cannot think straight, and basically feel sick. Today was one of those days. Let me explain. I have loved going to aqua zumba...love love love it! I feel proud of myself when I go and would go everyday if they offered the class. However!! It is not just the aquatic part I love, I love the music and the overall idea of Zumba. Yes, it is basically a dance class but once you get the moves down you can really get loose and get into a zone. Last night, after aqua zumba class, the instructor and one of the ladies convinced me to finally try the land version. They said they go to the land classes and that I would really like it. Okay, I said.

All day I've been panicked over going...butterflies. I want to go but feel so afraid; devastatingly afraid. Anyway, I was going to go, then not, then going again. I put on my sneakers, got into my car and went to the gym for class. I then sat, waiting for my aqua zumba ladies. They didn't show up :( Did I go in and figure it out on my own? No. Did I go and look for them? No. Instead I hightailed it out of there like a bat out of hell and spent the entire drive upset with myself.

Part of the issue is that I start my day at 5a so my 6:30p I am tired. Part of the issue is I just feel heavy in land classes. Another part is I do not like being yelled at in class (think boot camp). These are excuses, I know. My question is, how do you push through them? I am sharing because I know there are people out there like me. You've taken so many steps forward with exercise but you still need help to get over small humps.

I am not ready to give up. I will take my lunch hour to walk the dog. I will be at aqua zumba tomorrow night and will go to the Friday morning land zumba; aqua zumba friends or not. I WILL tackle this!! Thank you God for today and all that I have.

Day 1 - Feeling: Great, energized, ready to go!
5:30aMeal 1-Green Shake (almond milk, frozen pineapple/mango, thawed frozen spinach, splash of agave); homemade whole grain protein powder muffin top.
8:30aMeal 2-Egg white omelet w/feta, 1/2c peaches (tomorrow may do potato & onion), coffee with agave, splash of almond milk
Water Aerobics
11:30aMeal 3-Jodhpur lentils over rice, side salad w/vinegrette
2:30pMeal 4-Grilled Salmon w/veggie
Weights (chest press, leg extensions, biceps, squats--20 each x3 sets)
5:30pMeal 5-Almonds, small drizzle of chocolate
1.7 mile walk w/Kiddo and Puppy
8:30pMeal 6-Crab meat
Meal 7-Nothing

Day 2 - Feeling: Wonderful! Looking forward to aqua zumba
5:30a Meal 1-Rice cereal w/almond milk, pureed banana
1.7 mile walk with puppy
8:30a Meal 2-Shake (Protein powder, peanut butter, water, ice, spinach, splash of agave), homemade whole grain protein powder muffin top
11:30a Meal 3-Jodhpur lentils over rice, side salad w/vinegrette
2:30p Meal 4-pbj, shake (almond milk, pineapple/mango, spinach, splash agave)
5:30p Meal 5-whole grain rice pasta, stewed tomatoes, soy protein
Aqua Zumba
8:00p Meal 6-Nothing
(optional) 10p Meal 7-Nothing

Day 3 - Feeling: Anxious, I want to have a kit kat but I will not!
5:30a Meal 1-Protein shake (protein powder, peanut butter, spinach, banana)
1 mile walk
8:30a Meal 2-Egg white omelet w/feta, homemade whole grain protein powder muffin top, coffee with splash of almond milk and agave
11:30a Meal 3-whole grain corn bread, whole grain rice pasta, stewed tomatoes, soy protein
4:30p-Meal 4-Lean cuisine pizza and almonds
5:00p-on...Nothing. I really do not feel like eating at all.