I've been going to my yoga class for about a month and recently I started going 2 times per week. I have found that going on a Wednesday morning assists me with getting through the week while washing away any stress from the beginning of the week. As I continue to go to the classes, I feel myself surrendering to the movement and getting stronger with each pose. Every class is bringing me closer and closer to the point where I can truly quiet my mind and move my body. This past week during class it was a new release, basically just a change of movements and poses that at time was very challenging due to my lack of complete balance.
Although, I had to release the pose from time to time I surrendered, I surrendered to the sounds, the instructors voice, focused on the way my body felt and the energy moving inside of me. Then I opened my eyes and staring back at me was my love chub, my belly chub. As I stood there twisted body attempting to mimic a tree in that full mirror I watched as my chub poked out from under the shirt that was slightly lifted due to my contorting. There it was, there I was, me, the music and my chub just in the full length mirror in a a dimly lit room.
The old me would have stopped what I was doing pulled my shorts up over the belly, pulled my shirt down, might have even tucked it in. I would have attempted to stay focused however the thought of people seeing would keep my mind screaming to get out. The NEW ME however said "OK" and I just let it go and went back into the zone and continued to love my body. Then it came to me that's what this process is for me it is not about just losing weight and learning something new. It's about falling in love with the self I know I am and loving my body whether it has chub, flub or non at all. I didn't care if someone saw, I didn't care if the weird skinny guy who could put his balls in his face saw (yes he was attempting to contort himself in that manner). I focused on the movement, my mind and on my body. I loved myself in that very moment more than I've loved myself in years (I hope you understand what I mean). This is about me, you, we, us, and I. Did I tell you I'm getting stronger? yes I am doing things that 1 month ago I could not do and now I'm excited for the future. At the end of that day I knew that I loved my belly chub, its not perfect but it will be and I'm getting there
Excellent!!
ReplyDeleteA hard lesson for me to understand. If we can't accept where we are and use it to ground us moving forward we're bound to slide back.
I like: I'm not where I was, I'm not where I want to be, but I am where I am.