What More Can I Say

This is a bittersweet farewell, the time spent working on this was one of great exploration and growth. For a year C and I poured our thoughts, fears, triumphs,  and we healed, crafted new identities and learned to start living in our truest form of self. Prior to writing this post I looked back to the beginning then looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't see that person of old. I actually have had to recently get used to my new face, this new person, in a new place, with different desires and dreams. In normal situations I can put words to most thoughts and feelings yet today I struggle to find the right ones. How to really close the book on the past and embrace the present and future? saying goodbye has been a struggle in the past because so many have said just that...to me. Now I must say goodbye and thank you to C and everyone whom have supported us throughout this first part of life. It's time to move on, life has changed, we've closed the chapter of unhappiness, over eating, depression, having negative people in our lives and expressing any feeling in food. We now say hello to new chapters, of laughter, sweat, meditation, creativity, sharing and staying in the moment. I am saying goodbye, I'm saying goodbye to former guilt and frustration and I say hello to life.

I wanted to leave you with one of my favorite poems written by Langston Hughes called Mother to Son. I feel as if this poem is perfect for this moment because its about struggle and picking yourself up and moving on.

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Bittersweet Goodbye

When I started working on this blog with Q it was meant to be a way for me to communicate my fears, my questions, my baggage... As I sit and write this very last blog from C for fAat yoGa, I cannot help to think about how far we've come, how far I've come. I no longer want to look back but I do accept that my past is what has formed me today. I take all of the lessons, close this chapter, and am writing a new book. The picture below represents how I feel writing this last blog. Sunsets represent the ending of a day or a feeling or an era. Sunsets also represent the new day ahead...I'm looking forward to the new days ahead. I'm looking forward to sweating and enjoying the fruits of my labor because this is my way of life now. No fads, no monthly cycles of working out and then being lazy, no filling my body with poisonous foods. I feel good. I will never get to a place of fitness or mental wellness that I forget the struggle it took to get me to this very place and beyond. I will never leave this ladder of health and will always reach back to help those who are behind me to move ahead.

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.” -J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan



Yours - C

C: Carb Cycling

I have been carb 'tweaking' for the past few months and think I have found something that will work for me. The idea of eating the same things day in and day out just to look like something I do not want to be is not appealing. I do not want to compete, I do not want to starve myself for weigh-ins only to have a huge cake when the weigh-in is done. I love pasta, I love veggies, I love fish, I love seasonings, I love different oils, etc. I just want to eat as close to the earth as possible, ie...the REAL definition of eating clean and workout at a schedule that does not have me in the gym for hours and hours. I am a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a coworker...I have a life and want my life; I just want a thinner me in my life :). I want something I can do forever and I think I've found it. I have been reading and working through Chris Powell's book, 'Chose to Lose, The 7 Day Carb Cycle Solution'.

I first saw Chris on one of the Extreme Weight Loss makeover shows and then again on Dr. Oz. He was talking about carb cycling but to really understand what carb cycling is, I had to get the book. Boy am I glad I did!

In a nutshell, I have Sundays free meaning that I do not count calories, or fat, or carbs, nothing. I just eat what I want. Having that freedom you think 'WOO-HOO!' but in reality, I stay eating pretty healthy. Yesterday I had blue cheese and a peppermint mocha with....GASP...whipped cream. LOL...not a big deal but it felt good to feel free. Monday - Saturday I practice high carb (hc) and low carb (lc) days. This happens for 3 weeks with the 4th week being all hc days. I am still working through the book to understand the workouts with which day it is so for now I am doing the following:

15 minute level 1 Chris Powell Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition
25 minute brisk 2 mile walk outside
24 minute 3min bike ride at 20% tension/2min at 60% tension/1min at 100% tension x4
Lats/Shoulders/Abs alternating with Leg press/Abs depending on the day

Besides feeling like there is a light not at the end of the tunnel but that there is a freaking light in the first place, a few things struck me to the core:

-You have to deal with the mental hurdles. Chris talks about separating your mind from your body, even calling your body another name. Not that my body has done anything wrong but I have allowed my body to act like a spoiled baby and the weight gain is the result of that. Now, when I want to eat something that is not good for me or I do not want to get up at my goal time to wake up, I literally talk to my body from my mind's point of view. My mind knows what is good for me, what will make me strong, what I need to work for, what I need to be thankful for, etc. Leading with the mind is such a new concept and something I have never seen before.

-You have to have a support system. Seeing skinny girls with boob enhancements that have put on 30lbs of muscle is not motivating to someone like me. Talking to others that are changing their lives by feeding themselves with good food, with good value, with great friendship is what I am seeking; it is what I need to transition into this life style.

-This IS a life style change. This is not a quick fix. There is work involved. Cravings and being sedentary are just not good for your body (call the body out remember!). Your body needs to be there for your children and your friends. Your body needs to be able to fellowship and to produce goodness in this world. Most of all your body needs to be a vehicle for all of us to live in our truth.

I will upload my meals tomorrow :)

XOXO-Athlete-in-Training

Crossfit and me

I'm really starting to appreciate these long rides on the Bart as it gives me time to write. Since I watched my first #Crossfit games I was hooked. I wanted to do it, wanted to compete, I finally saw women who had the body I envisioned. Since then I've been on a quest to find a gym and take a class. But first had to get up the nerve to stop in as I am no where close to having that Crossfit body.

Time went on and although I really wanted to take the classes I never went. Instead I made every excuse as to why I can't do it now so I concentrated on doing other things but something was missing. What was missing was competition, I'm a competitor have always been and when I got fAat I stopped competing. Hell I stopped moving, the only thing that was a challenge was the battle between family sized or regular size bag of Doritos (the Red bag).

So now here I am, I go to the gym however I find myself getting bored and my focus wanders. In order to fix this issue I had decided to pay for a trainer. Someone that could set me up every week so that I stay on track. Show different exercises and would measure my progress. Well this process has not been enjoyable.

24hr Fitness in Alameda has exhibited the worst member service and the trainers do not contact you. There is an option to purchase training sessions online which I would never suggest doing unless you have met and sat down with the trainer. So here I am still searching and then I revisited the idea of Crossfit.

To my surprise a few people I know have started to do it, this sparked my interest. I thought ok this time I'm ready, let's do this and looked into the gym and this is what I found.

1. There is a waiting list for the beginner session - O_o umm really a waiting list

2. The first two classes you get at a discounted rate then after that for two, TWO, classes per week its 85.00- I would need a part time job just to work out

3. It states if you are not in good enough shape they want you to take one on one sessions which amount to 4 classes for 400.00- are you kidding!

So as much as I want to do Crossfit I'll have to pass unless there is an amazing Groupon, Living Social or Zozi deal. Again I am faced with the reality that its cheaper to be fat than it is to get in shape. I do understand that there are alternatives out there. But I want to sweat, I want to compete against my peers, but I'm not willing to pay 400 a month for 8 classes and no showers. So what to do now?

Well what I'll do now is find another 24hr fitness and look for a trainer at that location. Next I'm going to invest in a bike and continue to workout and find cheap fun challenges. Challenges such as the Mud Run, or a long hike and maybe a few 5k's such as the SF turkey trot (you get to wear a costume :). Either way I'll get out start pushing and appreciate the trainers I have in Tony Horton and Shaun T.

Excercise shouldn't be expensive but its also not going to be cheap. I just can't justify paying 100 a week for a few classes. What I can do is take that money, put it away and go on a trip, or send my friends a gift, pay down some bills, or buy the snow shows and snowboard I want. The lesson is that even when reality sets in that maybe you're not fit enough or you can't afford something it doesn't mean you give up. You adapt and push harder one day ill be able to offer such classes at a reasonable rate for people like me. People that may not be in the best shape, may not be able to afford a lot but have the drive and passion to overcome challenges.

2 weeks

Its been two weeks since I last felt fractured, lost, frustrated and angry. Its been two weeks since I stood on the cliff not knowing whether to jump or walk away. Questioning my faith in the world and questioning my faith in others. Its been two weeks since C said out loud she had my back, since I woke up and said I've had enough. So what has changed? Has anything changed?

Everything has changed, I think I had to go through that cosmic boom in order to transition into the next stage of life. I'm actually excited about this next stage as the sky is always clear even when there is fog. C and I have been through ups and downs, self destructions and self discoveries, finally we are both in a great place. A place we've created that's centered around family, friends and Joy. But it is this joy I was missing because I couldn't figure out exactly what brought joy into my life.

I thought the joy I searched for was rooted in my relationships with others. I thought joy would come to me as I worked on my relationship with my parents. I also thought I'd find that inner joy watching my god daughter smile. Although her smile brings me joy it wasn't exactly what I was looking for.

So I took time and stayed in silence, the radio didn't play, calls weren't answered and social media was turned off. I listened to my inner self. I asked why was I falling back into old habits of drinking. Why did I stop going to the gym, taking long walks, going hiking and exploring. Why did I feel like something was missing because I didn't have a significant other. Why in all my relationships I loved harder than they did. Why had I never experienced that feeling of knowing someone loved me, on an intimate level, more than the earth loves the sun.

Those questions loomed on top of the realization that I lost faith in everything. I lost faith in my ability to foster healthy and successful relationships. I lost faith in others and questioned all choices I had made in the last year. This was a hard subject to delve into because it was truly getting to the root of the person I am today vs the person I want to be tomorrow.

For two weeks I thought of this, I made scenerios, I even attempted to justify my actions that may have caused hardships and ruined relationships. What I realized that first as I've lost this weight I've become emotionally vulnerable in a way I've never experienced. Second its not me and third, there are some people who are so unhappy that they find anyone or thing that has joy and try to suck it out of them.

Once I realized that I created rules in the same fashion as if I were starting to lose weight again. Those rules are:

1. Choose joy in all situations- some people are just miserable but life is good. I have amazing friends and family whom have stepped in just when I needed them the most

2. I will not settle- Relationships (especially in the gay community) tend to happen quickly. Its important to date, establish friedships and enjoy the moment

3. Keep family and friends close- Get rid of those in your life that do not love and support you. I know my circle would support me in anything I chose to do. That's Luv

4. Focus on me- I'm the most important person in the world. I need to be here for Bug, C, Mikey, Sean, Ashley, Jennifer, Angela, Dwight(all of them lol), Dwayne (too many names to enter) etc. This means that being physically, mentally and fiscally healthy is extremely important.

5. Have Fun (laugh)- life doesn't have to be so serious, even in the toughest hours you can always laugh

6. Make dreams reality- working with people to gain physical and mental footholds in the world is my passion. Its now time to work towards that.

7. Allow people to love you- I'm not settling not worth the time and energy. I would luv someone to share intimate moments with but I'm aslo fulfilled by the luv I get from those that are important to me

8. Go on adventures- everyday I make it a journey and pay attention to things I used to gloss over.

9. Take risks

10. This is the most important, meditate, workout, walk slow, laugh hard, hang with great people, cut people off and enjoy life.

That was my two weeks and since then I've learned how to Bee keep, went to the opera, hiked, watched a black cowboy parade, played pool in Berkley, went to a Bills game and multiple SF Giants games. Wished bug happy bday, told C how important she is to me, re started a friendship as an adult, sent Mikey a Jersey, paid some bills, bought pants, worked out, hung out in Jack London, hung curtains, established a friendship with my Boston homey. I've also went to a tomato fest in which we threw tomatoes and was in an Offspring video, chilled in Napa and filmed all while enjoying every moment. Most of those moments I did alone and that was just ok.

Support

For the past few weeks I've found myself spiraling down a road that has been unfamiliar and frighting. The trouble began when I stepped on the scale and noticed I had not lost an ounce since the weeks prior. In reality it made sense why I had not lost any weight, I had not worked out, I started drinking more and found myself eating all the things that consistently made me sick. So I saw the signs yet I was stuck between feeling extremely alone and dealing with emotional vulnerability. Eventually I would break and fall but two things happened that helped me stand up, the first, a random handshake from a stranger. The second, a post from C reminding me of the power of friendship, unconditional love and support.

This combination recharged me, its given me a since of thirst for fitness that I haven't seen. As I have recharged my love for Yoga, pushing myself to limits and the pain that comes from a heavy dose of weights, what comes to mind is the power of support and friendships.

Losing weight, getting healthy, focusing on fitness can be difficult for many reasons; the first being that you may not have enough time in the day, or you may not, or believe you do not, have the right resources and you don't have the support. Unfortunately we are conditioned to focus on what we feel we do not have instead of what we in fact have.

But there is support, we have the resources and there is always time, I forgot that and had to be reminded of it. What I find I don't have time for is being at the bar, meeting for happy hour, I don't have time for things I really do not want to do. I also have found that there is support and I'm lucky to have people in my corner that A. would catch me if I truly fell and B. would always be there when I truly need them. But living thousands of miles away from them is still difficult and thus I've found out two things. First the most important person that needs to support me and my goals is myself. Second there is a large community of people out there like myself who is just looking for that same supportive space.

I want to let everyone know that I am here to provide support, C is here to provide support and these websites also offer additional communities of support. Fitness, Health are not exclusive clubs we all fit into the life its just time to start embracing it.

meetup.com
beachbody.com
CornCobAbs.com
also check out events being offered on Zozi.com, Groupon.com, Livingsocial.com, Sf.funcheap.com

The point is its out there and as I embark on my next challenge (Triathlon) I am going to need as much support as I can get. 

C: Living in Truth

To Q,

Yesterday you shared a profound moment and, while it is a personal struggle, we promised to be open and sharing in this forum. As you know, I have been living in my truth since 2006 with finally getting the last 2 lies out of my life in 2011. One of those lies was that I was living in protection and defense of little Cara who was hurt and disappointed for so many years that I accepted and tolerated bad relationships in order to just be loved. The second lie was continuing to be in a relationship that I knew was not good for me. I did not set truthful boundaries, I did not walk away when 1/2 boundaries were crossed. I've set pretty high boundaries and made them very clear to my friends and family. I've walked away from friendships and family when boundaries were crossed but I still tolerated that same behavior and worse when it came to relationships. I accept that I was afraid of being left alone and not protected by my father. While I know he was young and can rationalize his behavior on so many levels, at the end of the day I continued hurting myself and was defensive to people around me when really the anger and disappointment was mine to give to him. I have moments where I feel I need to protect my name or my person but I am learning that the lesson is within the situation. You can't pray for patience and become mother Teresa...you will actually be put into situations that force you to be patient.

What I have learned is that you have to dig deeper than deep. Deeper than most people are willing to go in order to live in your truth. What you will find when you get to your truth is really quite humbling and simple; like really taking a deep breath and letting it go.

When I read your post the other day I realized that you are on your path to knowing your own truth. I wish with all of my soul that I had the answers for you but we both know that THIS time is part ofthe lesson. How do you deal with selfish people when you are so good? I do not know. How do you learn to throw away extra food? I do not know. I do not know how to answer because those are your truths to find. It isn't about the bad relationships, it isn't about the food. It takes going way deeper than that. What do you feel inside? Afraid? Sad? Abandoned? Start in that place. Stay there with that feeling...it has to be acknowledged until you can move forward.

We've talked about how we both built this huge (no pun intended) wall on the outside, literally shielding ourselves in. But what about the inside? I would say the bigger a person is, the deeper they need to go to be in that hurt space. For us it is food that protected us all these years and it shows. I could say the same thing for the amount of alcohol someone drinks, or drugs someone takes or even how big someone's muscles get...they are all just another addiction. Another way to shield the hurt little person inside who is not acknowledged and is not allowed to live in their truth.

We are on a journey together. I promise to hold onto you and not let you fall. I know you know this, but I am saying it out loud. We met in such a happenstance way and I know it was all for a reason. I know I had to get through the weeds of bad friendships and misrepresentations to find you. You had to go through bad relationships and lying, cheating, being unappreciated to find me. I truly have two best friends who are my soulmates and I am so proud to have that type of relationship instead of 500 'likes' who refuse to go deep, who refuse to live in their truth.

Remember, what you felt the other day was God. It was a revelation that you are not alone but you need to be alone to be able to listen and move and go deep.

I took the following pyramid from Steve Pavlina's website on the seven core principles of personal growth. I have my own take on each.

Intelligence-At the core of everything is the intelligence to know that you need to keep going back deep in order to make sure that person inside is okay.

Courage-It takes courage to understand the life-long learning process of healing.

Oneness-It takes stepping away and being alone to be able to hear what your inside is telling you. Relish in those times alone because the noise of everyone else can sometimes be unbearable. Get centered and back into breath, calm, and oneness...keep checking in.

Authority-Once you have a practice of recognizing and acknowledging the core, being brave enough to go deep, and then get quiet and calm in order to listen, only then will you have authority over what happens in your life. You have the authority to rid bad people, bad behavior, bad habits that you know bring bad energy. You will remove those things that caused you to build up the outer wall because your inside now so surface.

That inner cycle will lead you to make POWERful decisions concerning your life, lead with a LOVing heart and spirit, and continually live your TRUTHful self. Once you get in that place, your life will fall into place with balance and peace. Just like your mindset changing when it comes to doritos...they look good, taste good, but they are bad for you is the same way you will look at people and situations. They will just leave a bad 'taste' in your gut.

I am here. You can finally trust that you have someone in your corner who will truly be there for you no matter how deep you have to go. I will do it without agenda, without reminding you, without judgement. I will do it because you are my sister and my friend. It is not going to be easy but I know we are meant to live in our truths and then pay it forward.

fAatyoGa-C

The end of week one

I love this life blisters in all!!...FYI you must have good shoes.

The glass is half empty

We all know what the saying "you are always looking at the glass as half empty" refers to in life. Usually there is a continuation of thought and the person points out that the glass is also half full with the implication that the goal is half completed. For years I've looked at that empty glass and the thought "I couldn't just leave that glass half empty"  and so I never did. The past few years I've struggled with this idea of waste and letting things go, partly because growing up there were more than a few times when I went hungry. As I stated in previous posts I never let anything go to waste and over the years I was very successful in gaining over 150lbs. As I look back to 2011 one of the things I tackled was this idea of letting things go to waste and how to deal with that on a personal level. For the most part I managed just that, I purchased everything in single person sizes, gone were the days of buying large bags of rice or taking advantage of the 10 for 10 deals in the store. I lived alone, no kids, no girl just two dogs, thus purchasing 10 boxes of noodles and a family pack of chicken didn't make sense. So I changed, re charged the kitchen, saved money and then focused on cooking just enough.

100lbs and a year later in a new city, renting a  room, no dogs, or close friends I find myself struggling again with this idea of waste. I live in a house with someone who does not have a weight problem, loves snacks, eats out and buys things in bulk. There are always leftovers and there are always chips, dip and alcohol, needless to say I've eaten, thankfully haven't gained nor lost any additional weight. But that brings me to these two questions, the first, how to achieve a goal without support and second, how to exercise control when you're surrounded by everything that makes you lose it.


I don't have the answers just yet, what I can share is that you really have to want whatever goal you set. There will always be an obstacle and someone there that does not support your vision or progress, however there will also be a positive being there as well. We have to want it and we have to find the support within ourselves, continuing to look for outside validation is what has brought me back to the kitchen, brought me back to snacks. As I rejoin the life of eating as close to the ground as possible or eating clean I am faced with a challenge I have never faced before. How to create my vision of self without any immediate support?

C: Day 3- Anxiety

I spoke before about not looking at the Eat Clean Challenge as a challenge, I am just making it part of my life. I am staying with logging my exercise and what I eat however, in order to see the correlation between feelings, eating, exercise, and overall well being. Today was one of those days when I felt like going to McDonalds. You see I suffer from severe anxiety. I will sign up for something and the day of the event, I will completely shut down, shut out the light, turn off the phone, and sleep. I've always been like this but as I get older it seems to get worse. The problem is there are things I really WANT to try but the day of my stomach is filled with butterflies, I cannot think straight, and basically feel sick. Today was one of those days. Let me explain. I have loved going to aqua zumba...love love love it! I feel proud of myself when I go and would go everyday if they offered the class. However!! It is not just the aquatic part I love, I love the music and the overall idea of Zumba. Yes, it is basically a dance class but once you get the moves down you can really get loose and get into a zone. Last night, after aqua zumba class, the instructor and one of the ladies convinced me to finally try the land version. They said they go to the land classes and that I would really like it. Okay, I said.

All day I've been panicked over going...butterflies. I want to go but feel so afraid; devastatingly afraid. Anyway, I was going to go, then not, then going again. I put on my sneakers, got into my car and went to the gym for class. I then sat, waiting for my aqua zumba ladies. They didn't show up :( Did I go in and figure it out on my own? No. Did I go and look for them? No. Instead I hightailed it out of there like a bat out of hell and spent the entire drive upset with myself.

Part of the issue is that I start my day at 5a so my 6:30p I am tired. Part of the issue is I just feel heavy in land classes. Another part is I do not like being yelled at in class (think boot camp). These are excuses, I know. My question is, how do you push through them? I am sharing because I know there are people out there like me. You've taken so many steps forward with exercise but you still need help to get over small humps.

I am not ready to give up. I will take my lunch hour to walk the dog. I will be at aqua zumba tomorrow night and will go to the Friday morning land zumba; aqua zumba friends or not. I WILL tackle this!! Thank you God for today and all that I have.

Day 1 - Feeling: Great, energized, ready to go!
5:30aMeal 1-Green Shake (almond milk, frozen pineapple/mango, thawed frozen spinach, splash of agave); homemade whole grain protein powder muffin top.
8:30aMeal 2-Egg white omelet w/feta, 1/2c peaches (tomorrow may do potato & onion), coffee with agave, splash of almond milk
Water Aerobics
11:30aMeal 3-Jodhpur lentils over rice, side salad w/vinegrette
2:30pMeal 4-Grilled Salmon w/veggie
Weights (chest press, leg extensions, biceps, squats--20 each x3 sets)
5:30pMeal 5-Almonds, small drizzle of chocolate
1.7 mile walk w/Kiddo and Puppy
8:30pMeal 6-Crab meat
Meal 7-Nothing

Day 2 - Feeling: Wonderful! Looking forward to aqua zumba
5:30a Meal 1-Rice cereal w/almond milk, pureed banana
1.7 mile walk with puppy
8:30a Meal 2-Shake (Protein powder, peanut butter, water, ice, spinach, splash of agave), homemade whole grain protein powder muffin top
11:30a Meal 3-Jodhpur lentils over rice, side salad w/vinegrette
2:30p Meal 4-pbj, shake (almond milk, pineapple/mango, spinach, splash agave)
5:30p Meal 5-whole grain rice pasta, stewed tomatoes, soy protein
Aqua Zumba
8:00p Meal 6-Nothing
(optional) 10p Meal 7-Nothing

Day 3 - Feeling: Anxious, I want to have a kit kat but I will not!
5:30a Meal 1-Protein shake (protein powder, peanut butter, spinach, banana)
1 mile walk
8:30a Meal 2-Egg white omelet w/feta, homemade whole grain protein powder muffin top, coffee with splash of almond milk and agave
11:30a Meal 3-whole grain corn bread, whole grain rice pasta, stewed tomatoes, soy protein
4:30p-Meal 4-Lean cuisine pizza and almonds
5:00p-on...Nothing. I really do not feel like eating at all.

C: Day 1 Clean Eat-Real Reason for My Weight Gain

Last night I was thinking about 'Day 1 of Eat Clean', thinking about it in a stressful way. I thought about all the ways I would fail, all the other times I HAVE FAILED. The anxiety had me up and awake but I did not eat. Instead I lay there wishing I had a hole in the ceiling so that I could look up at the stars. Knowing that my clock would go off at 5:30a, I must have fell asleep at some point, only to be awoken by our new puppy. When I think back on it now I would not be sitting here pissed if he would have given me the 45 more minutes I need. But alas, he cannot hold it and so we went outside, me, mad.

When I came back inside I thought of all the reasons why I should not start this bullshit today.

-I hate having a puppy.
-I am tired.
-The weekend was not restful.
-I have spent way more than my wallet allows on this damn dog.
-I never got a call about how to actually start the 21 day eat clean challenge.
-Did I even get the right eat clean challenge items?
-I hate being a single mom.
-I wish my stock options would hurry up and kick in to give me a little relief.
-I hate having a puppy.

Then it hit me like a mack truck. The real reason I have not lost weight is because the way I lose weight or the methods for working out, always seem to interfere with my life. When I read articles about people losing weight many of them start with 'After the birth of my first child...' or 'While in college...When switching jobs....' What they need to say is that putting yourself first is a sacrifice that effects everyone. Putting yourself first does take away from the 'flow' of the household. The flow of the home may work for a little while when you add taking care of yourself into the mix, but the second that flow gets out of whack (ie. a puppy wakes you up at 4:45a instead of letting your alarm wake you up at 5:30a) we panic and take ourselves back out of the mix. When the flow is off we don't pay attention to portions, we could care less about getting those burpees in. I see even the connection to why men always seem to have a higher percentage of getting in shape in their mid-30s because the wife is at home with the kids...what about her? What about me? After my child was born was when my weight crept up because my time was no longer my time. I did not like this little human in my home. And as much as people may gasp at that last statement it is the truth and I have to express that in order for me to show my point and be honest with myself. I saw her as an intrusion, as a person who took up my time, as a person who woke me up at 4:45a when my clock was set for 5:30a...see the connection here?!

So...today I say, there is no challenge! There is NO CHALLENGE. A challenge to me means something temporary, something that I only have to do for a little while. A challenge that when-I-am-done-I-will-have-a-big-pizza-because-that-is-how-I-reward-myself. Nope, never, nada! What I am introducing is a complete lifestyle change. The whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and fish/tofu that I picked up yesterday are all a part of who I am now and of how I choose to fuel my body. The aqua class I will attend this morning is how I choose to relieve stress, move my body, and meet people. The weights I choose to lift help my body move and perform at its peak.

This morning was a window into making a connection for me. Everyone has to sacrifice a little more in order for me to have more time to myself in order to make my body healthy and to have it continue being healthy. So who's onboard? Who is going to take a real look at their life, a real look at their issues/past, etc? Let's really take the time to make the connection to why you eat bad...why you 'think' you cannot make that sacrifice. You have to put yourself first in order to have an active lifestyle, period. Take the guilt out of getting to only 2 of your 5 set days to workout and admit that you allowed life to put you on the back burner. Last month alone, I missed an HOA meeting, why? Because it was at the same time as my aqua zumba class...and guess what...when I told many of the people why I wasn't there I could see the 'wow, I wish I did that for myself' look. HOA, open house, a friend in need, football game, etc....there will always be something. Make the commitment to yourself to not miss the time you've set aside for yourself. You spend 8-12 hours a work per day 5 days a week a make appts around that, why not do the same for yourself. Yes you can get an hour in a day (even 2 1/2 hour sessions)...the question is, why haven't you made the sacrifice for yourself? Dig deep and you'll find out why.

Reminders

I forgot for a split second how beautiful the world is, these helped me remember.

Mud Factor 2012

May 19th, 2012 the day started off with me nuzzled in the bed with my favorite bunk mate that goes by the alias Puppy. We were warm dreaming he dreaming of running with Kimmy, ears blowing in the wind and I running through a forest talking to Jay Z...Just kidding, but really I was sleep and it was warm and it felt good and then we heard it. "ARE YOU UP?" I thought those words were part of a dream that would never come, so I stayed still. Then it came again "ARE YOU UP? WE HAVE TO GO!" At that moment I knew it was time to move because there were plans and I was slow to get things started Most people don't understand that when you are startled out of a deep sleep you are not necessarily coherent and I was not. All I knew was that we had to go, I had to change and it was a day in which I'd remember for a lifetime. May 19th was that day where hills, MUD, music, friends and BEER came together in perfect harmony and had a love child called the Mud Factor. What a challenging amazing experience on a beautiful day in Sonoma California. The rolling hills filled with the occasional glimpse of the farming communities surrounding us; the Goats along the hillsides and the subtle smells of grass, flowers, mud and manure filled the air. It was like stepping into a perfectly painted picture provided by Bob Ross as he is explaining in his soft monotonous voice to keep the brush angled. This was not the day to relax instead it was a day of challenges, laughs, falls and muddy hills. Life was beautiful

Evo Skin: Protection without losing sensation

Working out is a part-time job you are always in training, adaptation and change is key and you are in a very diverse setting. I love the gym! it is the only place where you will always find a sweaty guy dripping on the machine, a muscle guy admiring himself in the mirror, a girl or sometimes guy admiring the muscle guy in the mirror, and the wonderful 70's bush in the bathroom. There are so many things to pay attention to while in the gym and the one thing most people neglect are there shoes.
Since we started focusing on health and fitness we have learned so many things about the body, what it can and will not do, how it heals and really when it is essential to get rest. I also learned that finding the right shoes is one of the hardest things you can do when you focus on training. It is a bit more difficult than actually getting on the treadmill for the first time.At one point I worked out in a pair of high top sketchers (don't judge me) and it was awful.My foot would slide back and forth, blisters would form, there was a weird heal on the shoe that made me stand on my toes unnaturally.
Then I moved on to wearing my skate shoes, although they were comfy they too caused some issues. First it did not offer the flexibility I needed when participating in a kickboxing class. The shoes also did not fit into the foot holder of the bike in my cycling class and I could not hit the treadmill with it. Then there was the Reebok Zig which are great cross training sneakers however they were heavy. Last I tried the Reebok Reflex which are amazingly light and great to work out in but I wanted lighter.
One day during a training section after feeling unsteady doing squats with weights I took off my shoes. A light went off....I felt stable, light and secure in my hold, my form improved and I was able to lift more weight. I fell in love with being barefoot however I wanted some type of protection and after looking at the Vibrams, I was finally introduced to the Evo Skin.
I received a pair of Evo Skin, black, sent from Zappos and my first impression is well its silicone. After I finally got them on my feet and squeezed my toes in the snug little slots, they actually do not feel bad.I took them for a quick test run and surprisingly I did not feel anything under my feet. Tomorrow I will test them on the hills of San Francisco which is the real test. Hopefully they hold up but if not I'll let you know

Hello Again!

Its been a while however we are still here. Since the last major changes have taken place. First I (Q aka Shae) packed up my truck, hugged my family and moved to San Francisco. Cara (C) has been on a sort of spiritual awakening understanding and embracing her ability to heal and change. Life has taken hold and pushed forward, for a while I did not have many words to write. I closed chapters from the past, understood that happiness is a choice and embraced the idea of living for the moment. I sold most of my belongings and what was left I packed into my truck and drove off. It was a humbling moment to realize that everything you identify with, everything you own fits in the back of a truck. My mind had trouble grasping the idea of extreme change without security but it has happened and now Im here. Call this a reintroduction, hello this is Shae from San Francisco who has worked towards physical health, mental and fiscal health.

C: Communication Issues

Waaaa! I had a dream last month that this month I would have a mouth full of cotton and spider webs. Well, that part is not coming true but my communication from my brain to my email seems to not be on the same page. :( Communication is such an important part of who we are. We never want to offend but we want to get our point across. Long gone are the days of picking up the phone just to say hello...we are filled with LOL, Ha!, and OMG-s. This month is already off to a rough start when it comes to my communication so I am practicing the art of listening more than speaking (emailing). It will be a challenge but it is needed because the moon and stars are not aligned in my normal Gemini-communication style.

What are your challenges this month? How can yoga/mantras/meditation help you? Take the challenge to look inward.

The Mantra

"Yaa Kundendu Tushaara Haaradhavalaa, Yaa Shubhravastraavritha

Yaa Veenavara Dandamanditakara, Yaa Shwetha Padmaasana

Yaa Brahmaachyutha Shankara Prabhritibhir Devaisadaa Vanditha

Saa Maam Paatu Saraswati Bhagavatee Nihshesha Jaadyaapaha"

Meaning

May Goddess Saraswati, who is fair and beautiful like the jasmine-colored moon and whose pure white garland resembles frosty dew drops; who is adorned in radiant white attire, on whose arm rests the veena, and whose throne is a white lotus; who is surrounded and respected by the Gods, Protect me. May you remove my lethargy and brighten my life with the light of knowledge."

C: Svaha!

I've been practicing the Tadasana (Mountain) pose for a few weeks now and am absolutely obsessed. I can do it anywhere, at any time. I do it every time I get up from my desk or the couch or even when I get out of my car. It helps keep me grounded and centered. In last month's Yoga magazine they talked about the idea of Svaha! (Just saying it makes me feel energized) Sv-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaha! It simply means--So Be It! I say it when I first wake up, I say it when I am getting my head wet in the shower, I say it every time I am in my mountain pose. Having a simple pose that can be done any where at any time coupled with a saying like Svaha! puts you into that spiritual awakening space...keeping you in a moment of presence and gratefulness.

Namaste!

C: Endurance

Yesterday I spoke with a guy who was doing a 'Spartan' workout. This workout was designed to get the actors in shape for the movie 300. (You can find a link to the original trainer here: http://www.gymjones.com/). Not for the faint of heart, this guy can get through the entire workout in 17:35 and does this 6 days a week. He cycles and swims for his cardio and explained that he is in better shape now than when he trained in the gym for 2 hours 4 times a week. He said he's older now and would rather spend the time with his kids, golfing, you get the picture. This guy was a beast! Anyway, he gave me some tips and now I'm passing them onto you, fAatyoGa style. I am starting out small but am looking forward to building up this routine.

(Consult your doctor before performing any workout routine)
8 Week Program--

Weeks 1-6: 6 days a week
At Home:
-25 Modified Pullups (Put a roll of packing tape or something to anchor onto resistance bands. Put the end with the tape over a door that closes toward you, close the door. Get down on one knee and pull the bands toward you for resistance. To see this in action, check out this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvbtctWDCN0 or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQUGnF-5PHM&feature=related) *
-50 Deadlifts (I use dumbbells; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8YJ_tfLPJQ)
-50 Modified Pushups (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8B17wwJdHV8)
-50 BoxJumps (I jump onto the highest Reebok step height; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGLctzQM_Xo)
-30x2(side) Single arm shoulder raises (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z294myBgstg)
-50 Floorwipers (I cannot do these just yet so I do 2 sets of standing obliques)
-25 Modified Pullups (*)

So far I can do this workout in 30mins while watching the new Rosie show :) . I then do some sort of cardio for 45mins (walking, swimming)

Week 7 & 8
Do the same workout above but only 3 days a week..That's right!!! These are your rest weeks...you muscle confusion week. Go hard every other day.

Back to the beginning...good luck!

Here is a video of the real movements once you can do them: http://www.menshealth.com/fitness/muscle-building-11

Q: Snacks

The hardest thing about fighting to lose the pounds is that at some point you need a snack. Let's face it, eating healthy at times can be boring and as you focus on your goal and you start seeing the results you are less apt to stray. I have found myself in that position as of late. Although I am not a person that will run to a piece of cake I thoroughly enjoy a great nacho dip and chips. Ive decided to go on a quest in finding healthy alternatives to some of my favorite snacks and some are new.

1. Keebler Wheatables- OMG these snacks are both healthy and taste amazing, check them out at your local grocery store or on http://www.keebler.com/product-keebler-wheatables-nut-crisps-crunchy-cashew-crackers-27056.aspx?category=crackers

2. Pita bread- They are low cal you can cut it in slices drizzle a little olive oil and garlic they turn crisp can use it as the chip in dip

3. Salsa- whether you make it or buy it is great and healthy. If you decide to purchase it watch the salt content in some of the store bought varieties.

4. Smoothies- I strongly recommend making them at home with fresh fruit whether frozen or fresh. It tastes great you cut all the unnecessary sugar you may get from some smoothie stores and it will give you the sweetness you are looking for.

5. Popcorn- Popcorn is low in calories as long as you stay away from some of the designer bags..If you are like me and love the movie butter flavor just make sure you watch the salt content of the bag. A healthier option is to make it at home and add your own butter.

6. Ice Cream- Yup I said it ice cream and no not an entire pint or gallon. Although I cannot eat the stuff it is a great way to get protein from the milk and a bit of sugar. But like everything eat in moderation

7. Fruit - always the best alternative, you could cut some apples put in a pot with a little butter and cinnamon and have warm apples. you could cut fresh peaches or frozen, I recommend staying away from the can, add fresh whipped cream and you have peaches and cream. Or a simple mix of melon

8. Nuts - nuts are a great snack but really try to stick with the serving size because they pack fat.

C: Sh*tty Friends

So...without going into my dating details, I've realized something very profound this weekend. I am one of the easiest friends/girlfriends to have...I only have a few basics. Do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it, don't lie/cheat, open communication. That's it. You want to pursue your dreams at becoming a pencil maker...great! You want to quit a really great career and relax...okay. However, when the relationship is ending I hear over and over from the guys I have dated that they are not good enough for me or they could never live up to my standards....um...did you see the basic rules. I rack my brain trying to figure out what I am not doing or showing that this really is an easy relationship. Not too hard to follow fellows. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I started thinking about the relationships I admire and what I found in common amongst those relationships is that each person is a great friend to their partner. There is no ego, they have open communication, they get each others humor, they can depend on one another without needing to be asked. Seriously! This is what I have been missing. I date guys who make really sh*tty friends.